Sunday, November 2, 2008


Validation is something everybody searches for in this life. I have many friends in my life who express some need for validation: " you are gorgeous", "you are so intelligent", "you are so sexy", "you are so mentally strong, so physically strong", "you are very talented", "you are a great parent", "you are a wonderful friend", "you did a great job", "you are so inspiring". The list goes on and on. Everybody likes to hear good things said about oneself. It truly feels wonderful when we receive some form of validation.

Society sets us up to seek validation from infancy; we believe it aides our well being. Right when we think we are going to receive validation, it doesn't manifest or we are disappointed with what we are given. Even from our closest friends and family at times, we set ourselves up for this by making assumptions, that the other person will validate us. When, in most cases, they will read the situation differently, or don't give the amount of validation we where hoping for. This can leave us hurt and in some cases embarrassed by the event. Most times when we expect validation we will be let down or receive less than we expected, perpetuating the search for even more validation.

When this validation is not forthcoming we normally begin with questioning ourselves; what is wrong with me, why don't they like me, why am I not appreciated. Our self esteem takes a hit.

Should we feel upset at this point or is there something else going on here? Is this other person presenting a lesson to us? Are we smothering this person with continual requests for validation? Does the other person have a conflicting belief?. Why do we need another souls approval? These are all questions we should ask ourselves before we feel hurt and unappreciated.

The more we search for validation the greater chance we have of not getting validated. There is nothing wrong with wanting validation. We are taught from a very early age to seek it. I believe we lack the understanding of its benefit.
Lack of validation allows us to detach, reflecting on the other persons point of view. We can then assess why we were looking for that validation. Connecting to our higher self and question why we need the approval of another is healthier.

I believe self validation is the pathway we should be traveling. But this pathway is full of self hurt. When we are forced into a position of self evaluation, at the core level, our true higher self doesn't run on the superficial emotions that we are taught. The answers that come from the higher self are always true; that of unconditional acceptance. The true state of the soul is self respect, self love, self responsibility and the recognition of the confusion we manifest between our mind emotions and our heart emotions. Many of us are not prepared to accept the truth, so we continually look outside ourselves for validation.

Self validation is a lesson that is most difficult to learn. When we accept and own self responsibility, we recognise our true essence is one of Unconditional Love, unconditional acceptance, joy, and inner peace. We finally begin to take on that feeling of oneness within. This sense of oneness within allows us to feel connected to all creation. The bonus of this state is self validation with out conscious effort.

Life is far less complicated when we self validate. It means we never need another persons validation, we can accept ourselves with humility and grace and we leave another area of ego behind. When someone else praises us it means so much more. We find it easier to maintain a higher vibration of Love and peace within whilst our connection to others is enhanced when we are able to self validate..


garnett109 said...

You are a Perv,a fruit cake, a nut case but I love ya. buddy!

MISSY said...

I am one of those people that really need someone else one day and the next day I could care less if they agree with me, validate me, or whatever. That's the Bordeline in me I guess lol.

I agree with you. If we were validated by everyone all the time, we wouldn't have a chance to learn or grow. But we have to be able to validate ourselves at the same time, to be independent. *M*